Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
