they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
