i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
