you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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