How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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