i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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