She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
