so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
