i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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