It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
