My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fill condoms, not promises.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize