his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
