This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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