She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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