We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
