bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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