GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
