walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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