I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
