I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
