Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
