also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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