He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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