Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
