I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
two words: eviction party
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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