end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
