is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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