I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
