dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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