My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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