and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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