He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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