Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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