i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
