even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
