Texts From Last Night

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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends

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  (507): Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends http://tfl.nu/oo5w
  Replies (12) Good night (1102) Bad night (1589)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

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  (757): apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously http://tfl.nu/dgt5
  Replies (19) Good night (868) Bad night (4992)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry

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  (214): would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry http://tfl.nu/l5su
  Replies (40) Good night (5647) Bad night (687)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.

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  (417): I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous. http://tfl.nu/gmif
  Replies (32) Good night (4096) Bad night (607)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

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  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1835) Bad night (5823)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

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  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9639) Bad night (1079)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ

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  (902): how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ http://tfl.nu/dj5w
  Replies (5) Good night (1207) Bad night (456)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.

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  (602): I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College. http://tfl.nu/47ac
  Replies (9) Good night (1082) Bad night (940)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress

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  (202): he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress http://tfl.nu/kmvd
  Replies (6) Good night (1324) Bad night (323)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working

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  (613): You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working http://tfl.nu/3fis
  Replies (2) Good night (335) Bad night (526)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.

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  (405): Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day. http://tfl.nu/fi0j
  Replies (4) Good night (562) Bad night (246)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari

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  (205): I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari http://tfl.nu/g3b8
  Replies (3) Good night (915) Bad night (404)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...

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  (432): I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too... http://tfl.nu/soax
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (390)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.

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  (320): I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED. http://tfl.nu/gyzc
  Replies (8) Good night (826) Bad night (239)
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  (845): View more from New York

  should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"

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  (845): should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me" http://tfl.nu/qqbr
  Replies (9) Good night (611) Bad night (217)

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