Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself