woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
