I just saw a hot homeless man
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.