I cannot find my penis.
People in love make me want to vomit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
