You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.