Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick

  (714): View more from California

  Ive only called 5 times

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  (714): He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick (714): Ive only called 5 times http://tfl.nu/v81b
  Replies (16) Good night (682) Bad night (1597)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  dibs on John Mayer's hood pass

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  (267): dibs on John Mayer's hood pass http://tfl.nu/rqbz
  Replies (35) Good night (2749) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (28168) Bad night (2147)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.

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  (740): I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday. http://tfl.nu/4f6m
  Replies (8) Good night (1140) Bad night (2419)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.

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  (949): Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive. http://tfl.nu/to91
  Replies (15) Good night (2232) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.

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  (260): His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too. http://tfl.nu/ej6j
  Replies (8) Good night (4856) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  you should be awarded for your promiscuity.

  (1-415): View more from California

  i really should.

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  (415): you should be awarded for your promiscuity. (1-415): i really should. http://tfl.nu/3phz
  Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.

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  (520): I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013. http://tfl.nu/sp2x
  Replies (2) Good night (851) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  From one hot mess to another... Get it together.

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  (706): From one hot mess to another... Get it together. http://tfl.nu/0xgv
  Replies (1) Good night (815) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.

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  (423): True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do. http://tfl.nu/f7pn
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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  (201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj
  Replies (6) Good night (2792) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now

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  (908): He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now http://tfl.nu/rqph
  Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.

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  (914): I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man. http://tfl.nu/8gmb
  Replies (5) Good night (618) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.

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  (203): No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home. http://tfl.nu/r9pd
  Replies (2) Good night (516) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"

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  (604): I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating" http://tfl.nu/q7vf
  Replies (0) Good night (280) Bad night (315)

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