enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
