I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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