just tell him i said nine months
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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