Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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