Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
