I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
