Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
