If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
