so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize