im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
