You smell like stripper and shame
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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