It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
