Where is the hickey?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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