Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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