she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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