when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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