tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Holy shit dude........stairs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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