Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
