is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
