Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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