on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
