first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I believe in your delicious
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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