Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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