I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
did i walk over a car last night?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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