I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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