i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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