i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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