I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
