i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
