He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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