actually, I'm a sock model
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize