the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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