in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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